I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
