Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i need some magic done to my vagina
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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