I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
