I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Let's paint friendship bongs
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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