I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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