flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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