when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
