i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
