Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was confusing and full of hummus
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
