Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
