you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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