I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize