im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
this will be a night to untag.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
