I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize