K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
