I wish you could order shots online.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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