I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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