my mouth tastes like poor choices
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
