we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
