is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was a blind-side dick pic.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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