One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
