She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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