I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
