So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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