dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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