Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
