i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize