If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
