...so i touched it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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