if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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