forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
