Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
