I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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