My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
