Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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