Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
