One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
