She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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