Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize