I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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