It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
