my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
