Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We had sex on a dog bed..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
