A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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