'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Quick, to the slutcave!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
