i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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