Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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