Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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