More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
