Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
