I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
