My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if only i could text you this smell
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Randomize
