I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
