guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
