Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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