Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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