Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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