mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
did you just send me my own nude
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
