I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
