So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Randomize
