I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
