Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize