I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
