u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
a search helicopter?!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
