I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
