So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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