So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
