the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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