Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
