He uses pillows to masturbate.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
