That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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