I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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