let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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