About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
