Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
