I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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