I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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